In the past, I felt that I was satisfactorily capable of communicating my thoughts and feelings. Often, I even wrote poetry. I applied to college for a STEM field, which shifted much of my focus to hands-on projects, problem sets, and lab reports. I find myself a little stranded from the habit of writing recreationally or for self satisfaction. Instead of looking inside myself to define my own experiences, I look to youtube channels like Sisyphus 55 to explain them to me.

The comment sections of such videos are filled with “Thank you for gifting me with putting my feelings into words; I rely heavily on this channel to understand myself”.

Unfortunately, I am not fulfilled with this common reliance that I, too, have developed. I am not looking to rephrase all the past happenings of my life or summarize my general background; the posts here will serve as a journal from this day forward.

My mom always says that the whole new year will unfold the same way that the first day of it did. What she means to say is that your whole year depends on your willpower on January 1st. Will you wake up early? Make your bed right away? Start with a protein-filled and decorative breakfast, lots of water, and the right vitamins? Will you read 10 pages of your book before you go to sleep and make your nap last an exact 20 minutes? There is no birthday candle or wishbone or other element to rely on to mutter under your breath “I wish that 2023 will be a good year”. It’s a funny mix of existentialism and belief in the power of the ethereal.

The fate of my whole year is predetermined for me based on what I choose to do today.

I find it slightly charming.

You may be wondering if this was an introduction to a storytelling of how, knowing the secret, I chose to spend today. I’ll tell you.

I cleaned my room, but only partly. I helped cook dinner, but not enough. I called my family members, but only some. I saw my friends, but only one.

My dad is an atheist and my mom is Christian Orthodox. In conclusion, half of my year will be my own doing, the other predetermined.